I was walking alongside a river, moving on top of the solid ground, carefully watching for stones, branches, and holes. I have no sense of time, only that I am meant to move forward with the river as my guide. Glancing at the river occasionally on my hike, I imagine what the water feels like around my toes, soles, and ankles. The ground is dry and unforgiving beneath my feet, accumulating dirt, wounds, and soreness, but still I walk because the ground is solid. The ground I know.

Then, after much deliberation and imagination, a moment occurs when I decide to jump in the water. The river had seemed so dangerous when I was on its bank, so full of unknown velocity and quality. Inside the water, I feel the bottom, moving under me as I displace rocks and sand. The current is slow and wraps the water around my skin like the air.. I position my body to flow with the water, unconcerned about the direction. I am flying, moving above the ground. It is actually much easier than walking and more fun. I close my eyes without worrying about falling or stepping on the traps of the uneven earth.

Then I hit the first rock. It does not hurt me physically, but I am surprised. I continue to drift until I hit another rock, and another. My eyes are open and I learn to be alert for things that could be harmful to my progress.  Still, I believe riding the river is easier than walking. The current picks up speed and the bottom drops a little to a depth my floating body cannot touch. I learn to swim, swinging my arms the way I did to move branches and flies while I was walking. I aim for stationary rocks to rest until I am ready to let the current take me agian. I look at the sides of the river and imagine walking. I decide I cannot leave the river. I am moving faster, I am progressing forward and to slow down would be like going backwards. The current moves more rapidly, and I suspect I am approaching a waterfall. I attach myself to the first sturdy boulder I see.

And this is where I am. Waiting. The rushing water urges me forward but I am not giving in just yet. I am looking at the sides, wondering how far I am permitted to travel.